


Kuroo and Tsukishima's Fail of a First Date (But They Both Loved It)

by itsmaaaya



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Crack, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Implied Smut, M/M, a cat that will slowly ruin their lives, bokuto being a sinner because he just is, idk what this is soz, terrible references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-06
Updated: 2016-11-06
Packaged: 2018-08-29 11:07:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8487001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsmaaaya/pseuds/itsmaaaya
Summary: Tsukishima was really getting annoyed with the idiots that lived next door. (Except Akaashi. Akaashi is cool.)But then Kuroo comes back with weird accusations, and Tsukishima has no clue about what the idiot is rambling about. All he knows is that he definitely is gay, despite what Kuroo (being the asshole he is) thinks.Yeah, he's pretty sure he's gay...





	

Tsukishima banged the wall behind him in annoyance for the third time that morning. His neighbor was being an intolerable dick bucket and kept blasting his music loudly and then yelling with his friends. So, let it be known that Kuroo Tetsurō was the worst neighbor you could have when you were trying to relax after a busy week.

However, third time's the charm, and the music was shut down soon after Tsukishima had displayed his saltiness. Kuroo could probably feel the hate waves radiating from the blond's lean body. Snuggling into the covers of his bed, the man shifted his position while leaning against the wall, and reading.

A few minutes later, Tsukishima was fully absorbed in the world provided by the Hunger Games, but that was interrupted when a snappy rap sounded against his door. Tsukishima didn't want to get up, so he ignored the person at the door.

That was a mistake. The knocking soon increased in frequency and volume, until Bokuto's loud voice was also heard accompanying it. Tsukishima knew that he had to answer the door, or face the wrath of Akaashi once he figured out that Tsukishima had allowed Kuroo and Bokuto to do something on their own.

There didn't need to be a repeat of The Mall Incident of '09.

Bokuto nearly barreled Tsukishima down as the door opened, but he was held back by a smirking Kuroo that was peering from the door around the exposed apartment. He soon frowned.

"Where is she?" He demanded, Bokuto still wriggling and yelling for Akaashi in his arms.

"Where's who?" Tsukishima stepped to the side as he asked his question. At least Kuroo was smart enough to take up the silent offer while it lasted. Bokuto was soon released and he bolted to 'his' spot on the couch that he had weekly fights with Kuroo over. Last but not least, Akaashi slithered through the door as it was closing. He sat by a moody Bokuto that was perched on the couch and looking out the window. Bokuto's sadness, however, worsened when Akaashi only sat and patted his head twice before listening to Tsukishima and Kuroko's conversation. That didn't help the fact that he felt unloved and unable to hug Tsukishima.

"Who do you think, you tsundere piece of salt? Your girlfriend!" Kuroo's exclamation left Tsukishima with a dry mouth and confused expression. He wasn't confused about the girlfriend part- wait, no, he was. How had Kuroo been so idiotic to not notice how Tsukishima had felt about him all these years? If he thought Bokuto was bad, Kuroo was definitely worse.

"What girlfriend? You piece of shit, I told you I was gay years ago." Kuroo at least had the decency to look apologetic.

"Oh..."

Akashi finally peeped up from the couch. His soft voice made all of the men turn to him. "I told you that he was gay. But nooooo-" he drew out the word as if his life depended on it. "-you have to make a stupid plan to see if he is or not."

"Akaashi!"

"What, Bokuto?" His voice didn't hide how exasperated he was.

"Wait what?" Tsukishima finally processed what has happening, and wheeled to face Kuroo. "How did you not know I was gay?"

"It never came up in the conversation...?"

"I came out to you guys years ago!"

"So if I asked you out on a date now, would you say yes?"

Tsukishima released a puff of air and sank into a nearby armchair. The maroon fabric molded to his body, and he prayed that no one could see the pink tinging his ears. He pushed his glasses up onto the bridge of his nose in an attempt to look casual. "Well, we'll see. It better not be a flop. Now go away," Tsukishima stood up and pushed Kuroo out of the door, and Akaashi followed with a now prancing Bokuto. Seems like they sorted out their issues.

As the door closed behind him, Tsukishima heaved a sigh and looked at the clock. Nearly 3, so he had some time to go until he needed to start getting ready. Well, not much he could do until then, so Tsukishima decided to make a cup of tea like every other rational person.

***

As the door closed behind him, Kuroo heaved a sigh and looked at his phone to see the time. Ahead of him, Bokuto was giving him a wide grin and a thumbs up, and Akaashi was slightly smiling.

"Yessss!" Kuroo yelled loudly before remembering that he was still by Tsukishima's door and that he could probably hear him still, "Um...let's go back to my place."

"Congratulations, Kuroo." Akaashi's whisper made Kuroo beam, as he was just realizing what had happened, "Now hurry up, or Bokuto is going to eat the rest of the pizza."

"Aw, shit," that was motivation enough for Kuroo to sprint into the apartment and chase the overgrown man-child that was insistent on getting the last slice of sausage pizza.

As he wheeled into the apartment, he found Bokuto with the last piece of pizza and absolutely sinning. "You asshole," Kuroo whispered in hate.

"What?" Akaashi entered the apartment and gasped in horror. "Bokuto..."

"Wha' I do?? Akaashi!" The owl wheeled his head back and forth between the two stricken men, and continued feeding the pizza to Kuroo's cat, Shitface. (Name courtesy of Tsukishima.)

"A cat should not be eating pineapple and sausage pizza!" Kuroo lunged towards Shitface, but Bokuto held her back and fended off the attacker with his body.

Akaashi pulled out the last slice of cheese pizza from the carton and sat on the floor. He really wasn't ready for World War Three to begin. He dryly stated, "No human should ever have pineapple on their pizza. Especially pizza with pineapple and sausage."

"Well cheese is for boring people!" Bokuto yelled before quieting down considerably. Shitface slinked out of his grasp and went over to Akaashi, sitting by him. "Oh my..."

"You absolute idiot," Kuroo stepped back in disgust, and Bokuto's face twisted into a look of sadness for the second time in 20 minutes. Akaashi just munched on his pizza, once in a while tearing off a piece of crust for the cat to eat.

"Yo-You're... going to hell..." Kuroo trailed off and looked at a peaceful Akaashi sitting on the couch. Shitface at least looked happy about this. What a sadistic cat. (Explains why Kuroo and Tsukishima love her so much- even if the latter doesn't want to admit it.)

"I'm... so- oh I'M SORRY AKAASHI!!"

"SHUT UP OVER THERE!! I KNOW IT'S YOU BOKUTO KOUTAROU!!" Tsukishima seemed to stun them into oblivion with his roar, because it was rare for him to yell, and it hurt his throat, so he didn't do it often.

"Well, shall we take Shitface and some snacks and say sorry to Tsukishima? It's the least you could do, after putting him through all of his pain. I heard that he had a pretty rough week at the bar."

"Well-" Bokuto stood up and looked down at an apprehensive Akaashi, "- when Kuroo becomes Tsukishima's boyfriend, he'll be great! He'll be the best,"

"I wanna be the very best-" Kuroo sang.

"Like no one ever was!"

"To catch them is MY REAL TEST!" Kuroo leaped onto a couch and serenaded Bokuto from above, arms out in admiration. Bokuto jumped up as well and looked at the fed up Akaashi sitting with a Shitface on his shoulders.

"TO TRAIN THEM IS MY CAUSE!!"

Let it be known that Bokuto Koutarou has a very loud voice. The neighbors know it, Bokuto's teammates know it, and Bokuto's friends know it. His family is a little too familiar with it and is the same. (Except for his poor sister- she inherited the recessive gene of the family and is actually quiet. She and Akaashi get along wonderfully.)

Just because they know it doesn't mean they like it.

Pounding sounded against the door of Kuroo's pizza littered flat, and Akaashi was glad to have a reason to leave the singing duo.

The door swung open and revealed a furious Tsukishima. "What... the hell are they singing the Pokémon theme song for? It is 4:30 in the afternoon and normal people want to relax a bit."

Tsukishima saw from behind Akaashi Kuroo and Bokuto now dancing while singing, and was somehow surprised that they were able to sync their grinding to the rhythm of an anime theme song. "They're actually," he trailed off, "not bad."

Akaashi turned to look at the sight. "They're not the worst."

Tsukishima smirked with an evil plan forming in his head. "But..."

Akaashi finished the thought by facing Tsukishima once more. "...we could be better."

"I like the way you think,"

Akaashi gestured for Tsukishima to enter, and noticed Shitface trying to waddle her way out of the apartment. (Not that Akaashi or Tsukishima blamed her; they wanted to leave as well.) The older man took responsibility to kick the cat out of the way, and blatantly ignored Tsukishima's glare, the singing in the background being replaced by a terrible remix of the Free!! theme song.

Tsukishima clambered onto the couch opposite the dumb dancers and glared at his feet when the sofa absorbed the blond man. The glare intensified when Tsukishima noticed Akaashi gracefully leap onto the couch looking like the effortlessly beautiful angel that he is. Tsukishima, Kuroo, and Bokuto were so blessed to have such an oblivious saint in their lives, and they knew it. (Proven by how they ignore Akaashi when ever he gets one of his pickle cravings. It happened once and they interrupted, and the entire apartment building knows not to mess with the shorter man when he needs his pickles.)

YouTube started playing an anti-nightcore remix of Freaks, and Akaashi felt like that was at least a little more bearable. Looking at Bokuto dead in the eye, the setter swung his hips in time with the beat, and Tsukishima was slowly getting closer to Akaashi's back. Next thing Kuroo knew, Tsukishima was grinding on Akaashi and Bokuto was absently swatting the air, trying to get Kuroo's attention. But, his attention was already stolen.

Tsukishima could feel their eyes crawling up and down him and Akaashi, and that powered him to do the most stupid thing that he'd ever done; he tried to seduce Kuroo.

At the time, Tsukishima thought that this was a great idea. The next day, however, showed him why it was not.

But when he looked at Kuroo with sex in his eyes, he didn't expect Kuroo to leap over with no care in the world and pick up Akaashi.

Kuroo yelled out hurriedly, "He's all yours, bro!" And all Tsukishima could do was watch Bokuto scramble to catch the falling angel, and then scream in pain as Akaashi landed on his shoulders. He'd underestimated how far Kuroo could throw.

"My, my, my. Look what my cat dragged in," Kuroo looked at Shitface and grimaced. "At least she's good for one thing."

"...and that is?" Tsukishima prompted the slyly grinning man in front of him, but still showed his caution as he crept to the side of the couch for escape.

"Well, she's good at keeping me happy." Kuroo leaned close to Tsukishima's ear, slowly enough so that the younger man could leave if he wanted to. Tsukishima didn't leave, so Kuroo dove in and started peppering kisses along the blond's jaw. Bokuto wolf-whistled.

Tsukishima looked over at the two people sitting on the couch, one reading a magazine he had found in the coffee table, and the other pretending that Shitface was a newborn Simba, so he was singing 'The Circle of Life' and giving Adele a real run for her money. Shitface looked fearful of Bokuto and kept trying to claw Bokuto, but it didn't work because of her desired victim's high tolerance to pain. (Sometimes, Tsukishima really wondered if Bokuto was secretly a masochist. It would explain a lot.)

Kuroo trailed up Tsukishima's jaw, and sucked a little a the base of Tsukishima's ear and jaw. The action made the younger man nearly buckle in the knees, but Kuroo was a tad bit faster and luckily caught him. It was getting to be a bit annoying, and Tsukishima really just wanted to kiss Kuroo, so he did. He swiftly turned his head and swooped down to capture Kuroo's lips, pushing forward and deepening the kiss.

Leaning against the wall, Kuroo snuck his tongue past Tsukishima's lips, and was met with another. Tsukishima wasn't going to give up dominance, but he knew he was going to lose. (And he won't admit it, but he was okay with losing this battle.)

Pulling away for air, the flustered, bedhead blessed middle blocker let out a small laugh. Sure it was breathy and raspy, but in that moment, all Tsukishima could see was the man in front of him with rosy cheeks, a heaving chest, frazzled hair from not only his bed but from Tsukishima using it while kissing him, and a blinding and gorgeous grin that Tsukishima hoped he would never see again.

Kuroo stole another peck from Tsukishima's lips before saying, "Shall we take this to the bedroom?"

Tsukishima looked to the two people on the couch before slightly smiling. "Do you always kiss on the first date?"

"Well, the first date had never been with you. I needed a change, and here you were looking delectable as fuck. What a coincidence." Kuroo pulled Tsukishima into a hug and finished, "So will you be my boyfriend?"

"Well, I don't go around kissing everyone, you idiot head."

Yeah, Tsukishima hoped he never saw that smile again, because he somehow knew that it would never be as bright or as pure as it was in that moment.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfic here, so what better way to start than with my favourite dorks?


End file.
